Cosmic Consciousness

I am so freaking bored

Oooo, I just made the best sausage, egg and cheese sandwich. Yum, that  was good. Honestly I've eaten some good sausage, egg and cheese sandwiches but by far mine was the best.  And I don't cook, don't like cooking, you would rarely ever fine me cooking, and if you ever do see me cooking it's because I'm that hungry.  But damn that was good.  I'm proud of myself.  I loved my easter dinner. : ) 
Write some more later.







" If we are disconnected, separation is an art"

   
   I finally fell asleep last night, I'm content with the amount of sleep I got, it wasn't a lot but,  I feel better then I did yesterday. 
I went out to walk my dog, and it's freezing, I can't believe it's still cold. Hopefully the cold will pass soon, and then I'll be complaining about how hot it is. 

    So it's easter tomorrow, I was surprised by reading how many people celebrate easter.  I didn't think it was a lot.  It'd be nice to have easter dinner with the family, I would like that, but my family and I haven't even had regular dinner together in a long time and we live together.  ahh, dysfunctional families, aren't they great..*sigh*.  Well, I'm really bored, don't know what to write about; I'll go read for a while.  Happy Easter everyone. 








"If it's not one thing, it's another"

The exhaustion in my body is killing me. I'm so tired but I can't sleep, I hate this. I've been awake for 38 hours, and I can't seem to fall asleep. That's not a good sign. If I could get at least four hours, I'd be good.

I was kind of occupied today, I accompanied my friend to her doctor, and went to the library,hopping from train to train, basically walked a lot today, and It's hard to believe that I can't fall asleep. We'll see what happens. I don't think I could go another night without sleep, I'll go insane.







" Your promises they look like lies, your running still like a back that hides a knife; I promise you...I am full of life! Runaway, I'll attack, runaway, go chase yourself."

Well, came across another interesting read. About Charles Bonnet Syndrome(CBS). It caught my attention quite quickly. To sum it up, it has to do with hallucinations. I think many would enjoy the article. I'll leave the link.

http://www.damninteresting.com/?p=604#more-604














" Three steps, two knocks on your door, doorknob turns my stomach burns to say;
Can I take you home.....to my house"-RDB

I came across this article, it amused me and scared me at the same time. This is the kind of shit that makes me paranoid. They've come up with a computer that can read your thoughts and make it do what you want it to do..etc. What else are they going to invent (or perhaps they have already invented, and is hidden everywhere spying at individuals??). Soon no one will have privacy, what are we to do then? I would like to think that when I'm in the comfort of my home, it's just me, and I could do as I please without being watched.
What do other people think about this article?

"Da Massive writes with a link to ComputerWorld coverage of a unique gadget shown at this past week's CeBit show. The company g.tec was showing off a brain/computer interface (BCI) in one corner of the trade hall. The rig, once placed on your head, detects the brain's voltage fluctuations and can respond appropriately. This requires training, where
"the subject responds to commands on a computer screen, thinking 'left' and 'right' when they are instructed to do so ... Another test involves looking at a series of blinking letters, and thinking of a letter when it appears."

Once the system is trained, you can think letters at the machine and 'type' via your thoughts. Likewise, by thinking directions you can move objects around onscreen. The article provides some background on the history of g.tec's BCI, and suggests possible uses for the technology in the near future."

What does your drawing say about YOU?


You are driven and ambitious and tend to make radical moves to reach your goals.
You are a thoughtful and cautious person. You like to think about your method, seeking to pursue your goal in the most effective way.
You like following the rules and being objective. You are precise and meticulous, and like to evaluate decisions before making them.
You are ambitious and optimistic, determined to prove and advertise yourself.


It's true!!

Gosh, what the hell, why can't I fall asleep?, it's almost 04:00(am). It's so frustrating to not be able to fall asleep,what I need to do is get drunk, that will make me fall asleep......

....

Where's all the alcohol at?  I could never hide something in this house, everyone somehow finds it.  Fuck it, I'll waste time by  playing some Halo. 

    Today was a typically boring day, didn't do much.  A long time friend came over, so it was a pleasure to have someones company.  We were talking about going to Florida, well she wants to move over there.  I myself was thinking of going for a couple of days to try and relax at my grandmothers place.  I should go and come back with a banging tan, hehe.  Anyway my friend is pregnant, I told her it would be good to raise the child over there, a better environment  for the child.  I lived in Florida for a couple of years, when I was younger, I loved it. Maybe if I never came back to New York, my life could of turned out differently. Maybe I wouldn't have all these problems or maybe it could of been worse if I stayed.  Who knows?  There's to much violence in the streets where we live, I know it would be better for her baby.  And now that I mentioned of taking a little vacation, guess what? My mother wants to go as well.  Like it  always is, making my life complicated.  It doesn't matter I'll block her out like I always do.  Perhaps I can make her stay there with her mother when I come back, that would be very good for my father and I, we would be stress-free for a while.  Not that long because her mother would drive her crazy, then her ass would be on a plane coming back to torture us. I need to come up with a plan to make her stay in Florida longer.  But what kind of plan?  I have some thinking to do, to come up with the perfect plan..hehe..(i'm so evil, trying to get rid of my Oka-san-(mother in Japanese) . 

    What it is that I need, is to depart from everyone, my mind, body, and soul needs to escape from it all. If I don't accomplish this I will erupt, and trust me this will not be a pleasant sight.  I need to breath again, clear my head out.  REBOOT, this what we all need. I'm not sure if this is only me, but I feel as if NYC drains all the energy out of me, on top of having a lot of complications in my family. *sigh* How would it feel to go somewhere knew, foreign; where no one knows you, and you could just start over, forget about everything..aahh..if only it were that simple, it'd be lovely. 
When ever I see someone somewhere that says they want to come to New York, all I could think of is "For what?" It's so hard and stressful here, but I remember they want to see the sights and all the tourist things. But man to live here, I wouldn't recommend it, it's probably just me cause I've been through so much here I think they'll go through the same things.  Most likely not. Look at me, blaming all my problems on new york, hehe, I'm horrible.  Nah, it's great here, but after a while you get sick of it, that without a doubt is the case everywhere, maybe.   Anyone want to switch life's with me?  haha That'd be cool.

 

"Don't want to waste your time or take what isn't mine, don't fix me cause I'm broken, I was that way from the start"-Rocco Deluca & the Burden

So I just finished watching House, one of my favorite shows.  Hugh Laurie, I find him utterly sexy.  There's something about older men(well some older men) that attracts me, the salt and pepper hair is a plus.  Writing about this reminds of last year, the fall semester at SUNY.  I decided to take an art class, to see how that experience would be for me ( I was a biological science major), every Monday and Wednesday I looked forward to going to art class. The professor was mysteriously appealing to me, he was around his mid 30s, not that old.  Such a tease he was, and I as well..*sigh*...  Well, he use to do these little things that I would notice, he intentionally carried out those actions specifically for me to notice.  Like spilling something on his shirt, and then he had to go change it, so from where I was sitting I could view the hall and door of the room he would go change in, he knew this.  I was in an angle which only I  was able to view.  He would come out through the door with his new clean shirt half way on, so I was able to see half of his stomach; and as he walked down the 3 steps he'd pull his shirt down, his eyes  directly on me and smiling...hehe, it's funny. Of course I would also tease, trying to reach something that was obviously to high for me to get....I'd be on my tip toes trying hard to get something and my shirt would rise just above the belly button, and the professor just gazing.  Nothing happened between us, it was all innocent flirting I guess.  ; )  It's good to have fun sometimes. 
Anyone else attracted to older men

I need to get out of this house, I'm depriving myself of what the outside world has to offer.  If I could just get up of my ass and leave, go do something.  But  what? What could I possibly do; I'm in new york freaking city, and I can't find something to do.  It's ridiculous ..aahhh *sigh* I feel like screaming.  I need to buy somethings for the house, so i'll do that.  Talk to you later.

On my way to the local Starbucks, driving calmly and suddenly this car pops out.....out of left fucking field.  He was practically 5 inches away from hitting me(it wasn't even my car).  Thank god for my fast reflexes.  Well from that point on, everyone was driving like a freaking retard. Road Rage took over me, forget about it when I'm driving and someone else is driving like an idiot; all you'll hear is me cursing like crazy and throwing bottles at the dumb-asses who can't drive...No I'm kidding, I don't throw bottles at anyone.  Profanity is all you'll get.  It felt as if--you know when a friend is throwing you a surprise birthday party and they're trying to do everything possible from stopping you from getting there early.  This is how it felt when I was trying to get to Starbucks.  Ridiculous is what it was, I'll stick to walking next time.  At least I was able to get a huge cup of heaven, that canceled out the events that happened on my way there.  I hate driving in NYC, everyone is an a rush all the time.  Not once have I driven peacefully over here.  People just need to relax and take it easy, what's the rush man.  It's so different from driving in Florida, when I was there everyone was so mellow.  I have to go back soon.

The other day I was in the city running some errands and I stopped to analyze the people passing ( yes I know you think I'm a little weird now, that's fine).  All of which were walking like they were fugitives and the law was right behind them.  Looking at each of there faces, every persons facial expression was so miserable.  They looked like zombies, not one person was smiling.  It made me feel sad, that everybody appeared so lost, unhappy, sad, hopeless, a variety of  emotions.  Maybe it's just here where I live, the environment is recklessly at a fast pace all the time, I don't know.  But next time your out, look around and see how everyone looks.  Talk to you later.